I was curious. I wondered what my girlfriend Sandy felt like when she was giving me head. I wondered what a dick tasted like.I'm not gay. I like girls. Sex with Sandy is great. But there was a part of me that wondered. Wondered what it would be like. I thought about the video of the roommate who submitted to his friend. I'm sure I could have overpowered Randy. But now I wrestle with the fact that I didn't stop it. I did it. Worse, I think I liked it.Sunday morning Randy called and invited me over to his place to watch more basketball. It was mostly Big East and Big Ten teams but basketball is still basketball. Randy lives in the same apartment complex as I do and he said he was flipping burgers and just to come on over.He never mentioned the previous evening and in the back of mind I wondered if perhaps now that he was sober too, he might have regreted it. Maybe it was a one time thing... something experienced but best forgotten. I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and was out. You're, like, different. Gary loves you. I mean, really loves you. You're more like his wife!"Then why has Gary gone off for so long with Kate, I thought morosely. Kate was the one he treated like his long-suffering wife, and I was the one he treated like his mistress. Or, one of his mistresses...My thoughts were like black, swirling, clouds for a minute. With Gary gone, everything seemed wrong to me. I was angry at Kate, but I'd be more angry if she decided to leave us, if only because of what it would do to Gary. And I was a bit miffed with Gary, mostly for ignoring the signs that Kate was losing it, but also because he'd left us for three weeks. That's my excuse for letting Saralinda's careless phrasing send me into dark angst. And my excuse for almost missing her last words."I'm just a nothing."What? Waitaminute."You are not a nothing," I blurted out, shocked that she could say such a thing,Her arms flew from around me, as she needed them for some expansive gesturing."Oh, Moira –.
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