We got up and began walking back to the house. I took Pia’s hand, and she didn’t resist. We got back to the house and went to my room and sat on the bed cross-legged, facing each other.“How do we figure this out?” I asked.“I don’t know. It’s complicated. But I think everything is complicated with you.”“That’s for sure,” I said with a weak smile.“What do YOU want?” Pia asked.“I have the same problem that you do. I don’t know. I’ve been searching for a couple of years, but I don’t even know for sure what I’m searching for.”“Then how can you know when you find it?”“That’s part of my search. To figure out how I can be the man I want to be — the husband and father I want to be. But that’s a long ways away. Before then I have so much to learn, so much to figure out! I guess the answer is that I’m searching for myself.”Was that it? Did I just answer my own question? That what I was searching for was myself? It made sense. I wasn’t searching for me as I was now, but as I was meant to be. The. Judy took a long sip of her vodka, gaining her courage to continue. “Steven, drunk and overly excited about winning a new account, I um, well… I had sex with several of the client team.” She paused.I played along, looking at her. “Go on, what do you mean?”“Steven, I do love you…I have to tell you that I had sex with other men. I am so sorry and so ashamed, but I had to confide with you.”“What did you do?” I asked, more to make it seem real for her.Judy continued, looked down and ashamed, “After we won this big and important account, we celebrated. I drank too much…I had sex with them.”I reacted appropriately, “You what? You fucked your new clients?”“Honey! I got caught-up in the moment. I am so sorry. Yes, drunk and horny, I had sex with them?”I sat in silence for a long moment. Should I be mad? Hurt? Finally, I asked, “so, did you like it?”This question stunned my wife, and she considered her answer. “I was caught up in the moment, so yes, I guess I did enjoy it. Honey, I love you.
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