My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.The Kiwi woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and. “When you get home I want see a picture of you naked, if it’s a good one I might even give you a foot job on Monday,” she said.I quickly ran home, all I could think about on the way was what kind of pictures to send her. The second I got home I ran into my room and stripped naked and got a permanent maker and wrote just above my penis, Miss LJ Property. I took a picture of me on my knees begging. I sent it to her and waited for a reply, all I got in return was an emoji with tears of laughter. I assumed that was good.The entire weekend I was walking around with a bonner, I just couldn’t get Laura out of my mind. For the first time I was actually looking to go back to work.When Monday finally came around I decided to go to work early. I ran into the office I was just as I was entering I saw Laura. “Your here earlier than usual,” she said with a huge grin on her face. She looked gorgeous, her beautifully bright red hair, reflecting the light. She was like a goddess. She was wearing a.
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