With the hair and earrings, the effect was totally girl. I was stunned and a shiver ran all through me when I saw myself . And just then, I felt something snap.It wasn't as though I'd just heard a bone pop but more like a subtle shift into second gear. Just going into Victoria's and putting on the bustier and stockings and panties hadn't done it even after the decidedly feminine cut, perm and earrings. But seeing that face along with the hair and figure made it all come together. It was as though I'd tripped a mouse trap. It was a trigger that set me off. It could not have been more real if I had stepped on a land mine and suddenly armed it, realizing my next step would be my last. I was so excited, I couldn't even remember my name. Geraldine? Gerri? Yes, that was it. That was the name I gave her for the invoice, Gerri Connors. Geraldine Connors. Sure! I paid the girl, thanked her for her excellent work, and went on to my next stop carrying my bag of cosmetics,. I don't have any artistic pretensions, I just need a title to define what I do. It involves a large hunk of tree trunk, like a chopping block, that was one of the deluxe features that came with the house. I never felt like summoning the strength or friends to help me lug it up the stairs and outside. Since then I've added to it. Scraps of boards, nails. Some artists use brushes or chisels. Me, I got a hammer. It's hard to say exactly what I'm making, or if it'll ever be finished. I have my doubts. Its purpose is pretty obvious. When I'm about to boil, I come down here and blow off steam. The therapeutic value of banging nails with a hammer. I envision the day when I stand back and see it as complete, and then I'll haul it up and mount it out in the yard. Already I've given it a title. "My Anger, Dispelled." Of course when I consider the likelihood of the day every arriving when everything in life makes me go kissy- kissy, the chances seem better that eventually I'll be dead and some.
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