I only saved the little gold frog, a memento to remind me, what was, was, as sometimes, I think it was all a puppet shadow dream.Who am I? It's not the question I ask anymore. I ask, who was I? That’s what I sought to answer as I wrote my personal conundrum saga.Don't judge me harshly. I lived one day at a time. I tried the best I could with who I thought was me, during a different era, even though not so long ago. I’ve learned and accepted it wasn’t my husband's suggested swinging which released my secret puppet shadow. It was my pride’s creation, fornication its expression.Was I born with a libidinous gene inherited from Dad? Did he wantonly abandon a family in China for lust; lust of white women? Was there a threshold he once crossed and searched thereafter to rediscover, like me?How about Mom? Why did the shop owner give her sweets? Did she sway in her little sarong and beguile the shopkeeper? Did she have a come-hither smile when entering the store to buy spam and flirt for a. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.” I turned Mrs. Anderson to face Melody. Mel’s back was still to us and she was talking on the phone. “Look at her, Mrs. Anderson. You must be so proud to have a daughter like Melody. She’s beautiful, kind, smart. She’s everything that I love. And I understand why you are upset about the painting.” I turned her toward the wall to look at what I’d painted. Every time I looked at it, I nearly cried. There was just something about it. But I knew what I had to say.“There just is no way that I could capture that beauty and kindness with my brush. I really tried. I poured all the love in my heart into that painting, but just looking at her standing there and then looking at the painting, I can see how far short I fell. I’m so sorry I couldn’t do better.”Melody’s mother was silent, maybe for the first time since she arrived at the college today. I think that for the first time she actually looked at the painting and she began to see what I was.
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