"It is signed simply "M".Immediately, I acknowledge receipt, in equally formal language, thanking her for her consideration, her clarity, and the privilege she has presented to me. Then I turn to her text. Somehow, it seems more appropriate to print it than read it online. It's clear as I read it that she has a background in law and in contracts. What she has written is structured, thorough, clear, precise, unchallengeable and utterly, utterly draconian.There are three chapters.The first is entitled simply, "Preamble". It begins by identifying the parties. She is identified as "Madam M W, hereinafter referred to as 'the Mistress'."I in turn am identified as "Mr David S, hereinafter referred to as 'the attendant'." The next paragraph describes the aim of the agreement. It is: "to define a relationship of strict subordination of the attendant to his Mistress."The paragraph after allows the Mistress to terminate the agreement at any moment, for any reason she considers sufficient. The. Funny that they ran trains before dawn - and on a Sunday as well.[B & B stands for 'Bed and Breakfast', which should be self-explanatory.Picture something between a boarding house and a small hotel. I'll tryand keep these interruptions to a minimum.]My brain made a valiant effort to piece together the events of theprevious day. I'd set off from Sunderland [the town you know asBishopwearmouth] intent on a wholesome ramble across the Northumberlandfells. I caught the local train to Hexham and strolled up to the busstation on Priestpopple. It was a warm, bright June morning with a gentlewesterly breeze, perfect conditions for walking. But the summer cold I'dbeen nursing had begun to stream. Although a cooked breakfast in theWetherspoons at the back of the market place eased the worst of thesymptoms, by now my enthusiasm for the great outdoors had waned. Soon Iwas on my way to Carlisle, ready to indulge in less physically demandingpursuits.[Wetherspoons: a nationwide chain of public.
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