I had to tell her only if shehad a medical condition that warrants "Do Not Resuscitate." We mightalso do self harm, a "minor" form of suicide. I have heard of some of usthat cut off their testicles, or tried to. Some of us hide by havingunsafe sex resulting in gonorrhea, syphilis, or AIDS. In other words: aslow form of suicide.Or we hide behind drugs. Hopefully those of us that go that route end upin Alcoholics Anonymous, Synanon or other treatment centers before weeither end up in jail or die.We often develop various forms of mental illness, as a product of theextreme shame or bewilderment we have. We are admitted to psychiatrictreatment centers or at least, being driven by guilt or unable to acceptthe unacceptable, we talk to psychologists or psychiatrists. Many of usare depressed and end up on anti depressants.We also don't know how to relate to others. We are alone so we don'tpick up the interrelationship clues that other teens learn because theyare with friends. As. My body reacted as it had always done with her. But my mind was in turmoil."I heard horrible things about you", I whispered.She stiffened in my arms. Then she looked up, wide-eyed."What things?", she gasped.I stared at her. She shrugged free and sat straight."Let me guess", she said. Her voice was cold. "People saw me fucking around. You know, the whore is at it again. Seen Walter's wife? Ah yes, the easy slut, what a piece of ass!"Her voice was ice, but tears ran down her cheeks.I felt awful. All I feared that might happen, happened.I grabbed her hands, held them against my face. She stared me down, I had to flee her gaze."And you...", she said, trembling. "You believe it, don't you?"She took back her hands, punched my shoulder hard and turned away, sobbing into her pillow.Haltingly I started my story. The bragging. The resembling voice. The half heard name. The laughter about the poor husband. And the more I told her, the more improbable the story sounded to me. At last it petered.
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