When I first started my affair, I wasn’t concerned so much with jealousy for people involved. People I can easily block from my mind and discard like used condoms. I would get jealous of watching your long fingers move lightly over your desk when they should be moving along my spine. Jealous of the fabric of your pants causing friction when it should be my hands. Jealous you can chew and lick your lips openly while I just have to imagine the tastes left there. Jealous that even though we always seem to take showers at the same time, it was far apart, never together. Never me washing your hair. Jealous of the very bubbles running down your hairy thick chest.I started to want to create that same mind-blowing frenzy in you. So when I leave work and that one boy, who is desperately in love with me and follows me like a puppy, follows me to my car, I linger. I chat with him. Never going into deep conversations like the ones we have, but also not telling him to stop completely. He can pause. She puts her hand on my shoulder and rubs gently. It feels nice. Reassuring. She is not trying to find an excuse to punish me. She hasn't told me this as part of some slave game or something to humiliate me. She's told me this, because this is how it has to be. "You have washed?" Da." Teeth?" Da." Cell cleaned?" Da." The routine of questions, the ritual of response is the same every day."Good. Go to the kitchen and have breakfast then ask for the toilet then report to me in the office."I say "Spaseba, Gaspazha" and go to do as she says. You can't imagine how reassuring it is to be able to just do as she says. Not to think. Just to do. I never get into trouble if I just do as I am told. Presently, I make my way upstairs.Neena is sitting behind the desk checking her emails. She has been outside running. She's still wearing her shorts and vest, her trainers. There's the healthy glow of effort shining from her forehead. Even though it's cool outside, she's been sweating. I can see a dark.
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