She dreamedof the lighted make up mirror, the small bottles of inexpensive cologne,and the dainty ballerina figurine that might be there. On the vanity shealso envisioned a small delicately painted porcelain dish that wouldprovide a place for Wendy to put his rings, girlish watch, the barrettehe wore that day, and even the new locket that his grandma had givenhim. Where would want to keep his purse? She would have to get him alittle stand so he would have a place to put the earrings that he wouldbe constantly changing in and out of his pierced ears."Oh, God," she said out loud begging for direction. "Dolls ... his purse... the studs from his ears!" she thought and then felt a sickness inher stomach. "My poor baby! He's moving toward femininity at such arapid pace and he's been denied so much in his short life! His delicateheart must have been yearning for so many girlish things for so long,how could I have missed it? Why didn't he tell me?" she asked herselfaching with the feeling. I tried to talk to them calmly and now they’re a mess. You’re pissed at me for Emma, for Tricia and for deciding I need to get out. I throw myself into books to get away from my life and now, for the first time in over a month, I raised my head and tried to take a breath and it feels like I’m being pushed back under water.”“You should have said something more,” she said and felt like she was genuinely starting to realize that home was only a short step away from barricading my door and sleeping with a gun under my pillow.“I did!” I hissed, my eyes frantic. “I begged and pleaded with them to tell me what was wrong. I cried for someone to clue me in. Until this weekend, I was convinced that I’d done something wrong, that I’d caused all this. If ANYONE had come to me when this shit had started, I could have fixed it in two minutes. But no one did. You and Patty and Dan had the authority to sit them down and wring it out of them, Lilly ALREADY knew. They shared it with Tabby and Collie.
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