"But even if you struggled with it, even if you hated it, I'd still ratheryou be here."I put the small bouquet of flowers beside the headstone, straightened up,and turned to walk away.I didnt really lose it until I got back to my car.Having female hormones flowing through me wasnt a totally new experience,but I still got caught off-guard by how much I cried, great sobs for longerthan I thought possible, even when no more tears would flow I couldnt regaincontrol for several minutes.Eventually I drove over to a small washroom station built for visitors, andwent in and fixed my makeup before I felt human enough to go to my next stop- the small house we had moved into after burying my father.It wasnt the nicest neighborhood in the city, but it wasnt a slum, it was anice, clean, middle-class area, with school inside of walking distance. Itsat on a bit of a hill with a gravel back road that ran from the back door, a road I had an unpleasant encounter with the first time I tried to ride. Agar kisi ne dekh liya to”mainey kahaa.“uski chintaa mat karo. Agar koi jaag gayaa to main bahaanaa banaa dungaa meri tabiyat khraab thi aur mainey dawaa lekar bulaayaa thaa. ”Jija ji bole jaldi se wadaa karo. Ye kahtey samay jija ji mere dono niplon ko apney donon hanthon ki ungleeyon se eas tarah masal rahey they ki meri jaan halak main aa gai thi. Eassay bachaney ka ek hi upaay tha aur wah yah ki main unki baat maan lun. Aakhir majboor hoker wahi karna paraa.“very good. Ye sab log khaana khaa ker jaldi so jatey hain. Main raat 10 bajey tumahraa eentjaar karungaa”wo chuchi masaltey huway boley.Mainey seer hilaa diya aur chupchaap kamrey se baahar kikal gai.Raat main 10 bajey ke baad jab sab log so gaye main dabey paon us kamrey main pahunch gai jismay mere nandoi teekey they. Wo mera hi eantjaar ker rahey they. Jaisey hi main kamrey main pahunchi unhoney darwaaja band ker deeya aur laigt bhi band ker dee.Mujhey eas samay aajeeb see seehran ho rahi thee. Jo ki ashwabhaaveek nahi.
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