He tries, that's true, but it was never his effort that was the concern. It was building a life together that worried me. I am worried I will become bitter with the situation and find some reason to walk away. I am perplexed at quiet times like these where it is just me and my thoughts.He is sexy, though. I watch him breath as he sleeps in the bed. He is strong and well built but not overpowering. The chest and groin are well groomed. He takes very good care of himself. Other girls check him out in public. He is, afterall, a handsome man.It frustrates me that I can't be content with this life. My friends wish they had a man so good as him. At least that is what they tell me. Who knows what they really think.I turn a lamp on to read and turn the main light off. As I get out of the day's clothes, I think of what book to read. The buttons on the shirt are tight to my chest. It will feel nice to have my bra off. After I put the shirt away I opened the drawer for my intimates. I unbuckle. About a week before he proposed (I was a Junior in high school and he had graduated the year before) he kept trying to pull my panties down. He ripped them off me, and when I tried to jerk him off, he pushed my hand away. I knew I had to do something quickly or I was going to lose my virginity. I knew very little about sex, but I heard some of the girls talk about cock sucking. I bent down and took his cock in my mouth. It tasted funny, not gross, but salty with a musky smell. I was trying to keep from gagging. He pushed the whole thing down my throat. My nose was in his pubic hair. I was bent over I felt his finger rubbing my exposed cunt. I was so aroused I was leaking juices and the aroma seem to make him crazy. If he hadn't cumed I would have lost my virginity that night. Instead, he kept shooting cum down my throat. I thought I would be sick, but I was so aroused I just swallowed all he had in his balls and sucked his cock dry.When he proposed to me I turned him down three times.
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