I didn’t want the fact that I had sex with Anna to color Dr Mercer’s opinion of me.We spent most of the session discussing my emotions, after I’d explained I’d moed from sadness to anger. After that discussion, it seemed to me that she was OK with a shift to anger. She asked about sleeping, I explained I was sleeping better, was not having nightmares, and that I wasn’t as fixated on Birgit as I had been.With about 10 minutes to go, I brought up what had happened with Bethany. Doctor Mercer was concerned, so I explained that I was telling her because I wasn’t sure if Bethany would tell her, and I wanted to get the situation under control before it got out of hand.“She asked you if you would have sex with her at some future, unspecified date?”“No, that’s not quite what she asked. She asked if I was trying to avoid the subject because I didn’t want to have sex with her because she was raped. I took that as a question of whether she was permanently damaged in my eyes. I reassured her. " Chrissie, you will never be a woman but you should be happy being asissy," chided Helen. "When we started treatment you were an angry manwhose wife slept around and made you feel inadequate. You were inadequatefor her as a lover and you can't blame her for finding better men. Nowyou have accepted things as they should be and you are happy to be theperson you are. You will never be a woman but you will be a stunninglyattractive sissy that men will lust over."Even with the hormone treatment I still felt a wave of humiliation engulfme as Helen pointed out some rather obvious truths and I felt myselfblush as I often did when she was painfully honest with me. I knew whatcourse my life was following but I still had yet to fully accept that mysexual function in life was to satisfy the erotic kinks of normallystraight men. Any sort of confidence I once had in myself as aheterosexual man had now been eroded and, after the hormone treatment Ihad begun years ago and, as I began to develop into.
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