We went away for a few weekends to inns where I deliberately didn’t take any work or a cell phone or a computer. I bought him a camcorder to make videos of us having sex. I knew he masturbated over them. I knew he needed more than I was giving him, and I didn’t want him to start having affairs. But I just couldn’t give more. One evening, not long after our first anniversary, Winston finally said that I ought to quit, that I would have to choose between our marriage and my career. Perhaps I should have. My total compensation my first year as a full partner was about the same as Winston’s net worth. But it wasn’t about money. This was my identity, this is what I had worked for all my life, and I wanted to enjoy it. That was a year ago. I was 34 and Winston 54. I asked him for five years. Not even five more years. Just let me have five years as a partner. One had passed, so only four more. He would still only be 58. And we would have several million more dollars. We could buy any kind. He said, "I expect those things are going to be peeking out a lot today. I want you to ignore them. Just make believe you don't know they are out. If I want you to cover them up I'll let you know."It was starting.I drove to the store and parked out front. Nathan said, "Cover them up now. But once we get inside you just forget all about them."I followed Nathan into the store and we went directly to the racks of used women's dresses. He started going through the racks looking for ... actually, I didn't know what he was looking for. I just knew that I wasn't going to like it.There weren't very many people in the store but we were attracting quite a bit of attention. People seemed to notice a black teenager selecting slutty clothing for a slightly older white woman.Nathan handed me several dresses and told me to hold them up so he could get an idea how they would look on me. It didn't take long before one of my breasts was exposed. I did what he said. I tried to make believe that I.
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