I had no idea what I had done wrong. I could have explained if you had asked,’ he said. ‘I know.’ How had he made it to eighteen years old and remained this naïve? ‘I’m not saying it was your responsibility to ask. When you feel a visceral response to something, you just react. You don’t stop to analyze it. I’m just saying I did it for a reason. I’m sorry it made you feel bad.’ ‘Visceral? Do you always talk like that? Sometimes you sound like a thesaurus.’ He laughed. ‘You’re actually hearing me trying not to do that. I really work on, well, trying to say things in a way most people can understand. Sometimes the perfect word jumps into my mind and out of my mouth.’ ‘I’m not complaining. It’s just surprising to hear sometimes: visceral, disingenuous. Anyway, I wanted to know if we could give this another try. I promise not to go crazy again.’ He had a soothing voice. He was either well-practiced or sincere, and he clearly was not well-practiced. ‘It wasn’t crazy. It was just an. That certainly brought him back, though not quite fast enough for old lady Salinger’s liking. ‘Mr. Drawyer, please see me after class.’ Ms. Salinger declared. The other students giggled maliciously, including (oh cruel mistress fate have you no favorites?) young Sally, long red hair bouncing of her bountiful bosom. So Peyton dutifully stayed after the 3 p.m. bell, listening to Ms. Salinger’s condescending ‘You’re here to learn’ spiel, all mind numbing 10 minutes of it, and this only after toiling away at some specially designated English homework courtesy of the block of deadwood herself, all the while playing & re-playing the blocky jagged scrawl of graffiti from the rusty john door, dwelling obsessively on each & every word like they were framed on billboards, mouthing it behind sealed lips, suckling on each & ever syllable hungrily, picking them dry of meaning until the words lost all context & he was just cycling a stale loop through his skull. Distantly Peyton made sure to nod.
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