Perhaps his failures, the idea of being a little less than a man, provided enough freedom for him to get by. He didn’t want to disturb things.The Porsche may not have been so important to him, now that things balanced correctly. Somewhere between a grain of dust and a creature larger than life he became, by dint of whatever adversities were thrown his way, more of himself, and even though Newark wasn’t the best place on the planet to be, he was indeed stable there. Certainly he wanted more, but why rock the boat?In the train car on his way back to Newark he looked into the reflection of himself staring out the window. He watched as the darkness of a tunnel unleashed its grip when the sunshine hit and then passed again through the darkness of yet another tunnel, if only to balance things, he supposed. And in the city one cannot find light so easily. Maybe he would end up staying in the ghetto, even if his scheme yielded treasure. He became a captive of a particular place that now. "Jack—I didn't mean—" What do you want Murphy?" I said. "And how did you find me?" Andy told me where you were staying."Jack, I felt horrible about the way we parted. I needed to come by and let you know that I have changed my mind about what you said, what you wanted," she said. "I was writing you off without giving you anything." You mean a chance to prove myself," I said. She didn't expect that, she wrinkled her brow. "That was a week ago, I've had time to think things over too, Murphy. I don't want to try and prove myself anymore. I was wimping out that night, not wanting to lose you; I was grasping at straws. I admit it; I'm a pussy when it comes to you. But, then after I left, I realized that I had already lost you, hadn't I. That was the real bottom line. I'm a loser, Murphy, when it comes to women; I know it; and I will somehow learn to live with it. But, what I am not going to live with is a woman, a so called wife, who is fucking around on me."So, is there anything else?" I.
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