Well, I need to talk about what we did this morning and I want to ask you some questions," he said matter-of-factly."Okay," I replied, biting my lip and willing my face not to get hot."You don't want it all the time, do you?"I shook my head. "No, just when I've been good enough. I want it to be special." A reward?"My mouth was dry. "I um, I don't mean to presume, but yes. I think it might get stale quickly."He nodded, turning back to his sauce and letting silence reign. The pasta was now simmering.Even after so many months of our relationship, I was still struggling with Stephen's use of silence. I'd learned to hold my tongue the hard way, allowing him to think things through. He was very smart and though it took me a while to figure it out, he always left me an honourable way to withdraw when I was 'wrong' or we didn't agree on something. All I had to do was listen to his actual words. It's hard to explain. Stephen thinks it's something to do with the way we girls tend to think. Of all the responsibilities I had in life, I had failed in the most important one.I hardly saw Kerrie during my time in the hospital. She was very angry about it too. I don't think she understood at all what I was feeling until we went to therapy and it all came out. We both did the crying thing. Although I was ashamed of doing it, I couldn't help it.Kerrie seemed to just bounce back from it. Within two or three weeks, it was as if it had never happened for her. I was the one who went into a depression. Things just got worse when she started at first to hint and then to act on the fact that she was ready for us to start having sex again.She started dressing in her sexiest lingerie for just walking around the house. After a while she became even more obvious. She took to not wearing any panties around the house and just bending over whenever I was behind her. Kerrie is one of those thin gorgeous women who look good in anything so normally I'm ready to mount her at the drop of a hat..
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