So that even when the score demands syncopation and swing- notes played off the beat- you still anticipate the next ‘takt’, and prepare yourself, subconsciously (but completely) for the next note that you know will come, whether you are playing, or not.Your head is a perfect contradiction. On one hand: determined, driven, certain. You know who you are. You know your mind. Your outward desires and reality are as clear as day.And so you resent and revile your own baser instincts- your tearing, teeth-on-edge irritation at yourself that your own wants and desires pull you off the predictable, relentless beat, towards your off-beat, fallible pulse instead.Because, your pulse is racing and slowing: not based on your own free-will, but upon mine.That little prick. He’s always winding you up. Where does he get off? Stupid, slathering, letchy arsehole. Fuck him. Why don’t they listen? They never listen. Their arrogance is so see-through. They don’t know anything. Why has this cunt pushed in,. “Lin, I have something to tell you,” I said, with more bravery than I felt. “Oh my god, Cody are you g-“ “No!” I cut her off before she could even finish that sentence. I took a deep breath and continued. “I want you, I have for ages but I am a virgin. I lied, I’m sorry. It’s just I have always been so nervous that I would be crap at sex and so I’ve never…” I trailed off and looked at her. Her face was a mask of complete shock but after a moment she relaxed into a smile, stood and walked towards me before clasping her hands tightly behind my neck. She looked at me with her large green eyes and whispered into my ear. “Cody, babe it’s fine. I want you. I have for so long, I’ve never insisted on anything before but now I have to, if you don’t take me,” she paused as she trailed her lips down my jaw and hovered just above mine, “I’m afraid I might explode. I need to you fuck me, even if I have to take charge this time.” Linda began to chuckle but was cut off by our deep, passionate kiss..
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