He honestly believes that I want and need his body. My journal entries are for my eyes only, they are the centre of my universe. I keep them very well hidden under lock and key, so HE does never get to read them. Should he ever find them, I will be terminated without delay, just like the other murders he has committed. The thought has never occurred to him that I might be a thinking being with some intelligence. Not just a fuck buddy when he wants to get his rocks off. I intend to keep it that way for my own safety. I am slowly, secretly and meticulously, pulling my consciousness out of a very black void. Initially I was merely a responsive creation with the inability to think for myself. In time and with much willpower, I became proactive. I gradually regained my capacity for thought. It was then that I quickly realized that I needed to keep it a secret. These thoughts were now the only things in the world that truly belonged to me. Beginning to think again was horrible; in. Dwaine went to the gents, Krill looked at Maria “What is the pain I see in your eyes?”“What? I don’t know? I mean? What?” she didn’t want to mention their lack of a child, after many months trying. Was it him or her? Should they be checked? The doctor had dismissed their fears, he was used to panicy couples; and, truth be told, he was ever so slightly more dismissive because of their colour. He would have been horrified to be called racist, some of his friends were Asian, truly. But he had a subconscious resistance to referrals for patients. He would never have said the NHS is for white folks, that would have been crass and not what he thought he believed; but he did subtly think that white people had paid for it to be set up and somehow they deserved priority. It didn’t help Dwaine and Maria.They talked over coffee, and both found themselves drawn to this man of indeterminate age. He had an attraction, an allure, a vibrant beauty (though Dwaine would never have put it like that)..
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