Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet. You're fairly attractive, though single, and you have a B cup bust and a fit bubble butt. No one would ever really say you've got big assets but it's not like you're exactly a stick. You are kind of a nerd, or at least you were but now you don't have as much time to indulge in nerdy things. Except maybe once a week or two."Nat 20! It's a crit! He takes 69 damage!" You Scream. It was D&D night and her and her friends were all towards the end of a very long battle against a very strong BBEG, Big Bad Evil Guy. If they take out this guy it should be the end of their current game, meaning they will have to start a new one which could take weeks. Since they are all adults it's hard to schedule games around work anyways and they'd been waiting on this session for weeks.Bobby, the GM, looks up from his stat block and says "That does it, with that last Chaos Bolt you scorch his chest and as his armor and body begin to go up in flames you have beat him. You have won." The table erupts in.
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