The two guards smiled at one another, then at him.“Besides,” the guard on the right said. “Your wives are amazing! They’ll have this in the bag without your help.”“Right.” Ember hooked his foot on the chamber pot, feeling that it was dry and unused. He kicked it up into the air with a single fluid movement. While he might not have had the strength or accuracy of the Unconquered, he didn’t need it to plant the pot directly into the guard on the left’s belly. The breastplate he wore took most of the impact, but there was still enough force to stagger him – and then Ember was on his feet and sprinting from the tent. He emerged onto the scattered shipwrecks of the coast, and spotted all that his Legions had left behind: Civilian attaches, refugees who couldn’t fight, the injured. He saw a Ninth Legion courier, lounging against the smallest skyship that Ember had ever seen. It was barely the size of a human man, being nothing more than a pole and a pair of folded up aetheric sails.The. Then we put some music on and we make her dance. And while she's lumbering around in front of us like a moose, me and Bobby sit there cuddled up together, laughing like drains and making fun of her. Bobby starts calling her all these horrible names – Dumpster, Beast, Lardy etc etc – with me giggling like crazy, egging him on. Then I get up and I start grooving and kind of sexily preening and posing around next to her. I'm also just in my knickers, same as Nancy, except she looks gross and of course I know I'm looking totally fabulous, so it's a great contrast, it really is like..." Beauty and the Beast?" said Miranda."Exactly. I'm being a 24 carat bitch now, making the poor thing feel as bad about herself as possible. Bobby picks up on what I'm doing and he gets into the spirit. He watches us, kind of ogling me and sneering at her at the same time, making it totally obvious what he's thinking, and then he just tells Nancy straight up how ugly she is compared to me - how I'm a ten out.
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