The next day is another day off. I get off four times that day and night. I go back to my room during the day couple times and I get off a couple times that night.I feel so sexy and horny. I'm not the same person. Something's different. I don't know what.The next day is another ECT treatment. Today I'm really different. I don't feel horny anymore. I've really lost something. I don't know why I don't feel sexy. I just don't feel anything. I'm confused. I've lost something. That night I play with my cock but it's just limp.The weekend comes and I have a few days off. Sunday night I realize I'm not horny anymore. I don't feel sexy here. This is fucked up. If I was still horny would be great but I can't feel anything in my balls now. It's got to be the ECT.I get up in the middle of the night. I scream and beat up my door. I scream., I really wasn't depressed. I faked all this. I only did it because I have a medical fetish. I was horny and wanted to beat off. I really didn't mean to kill. That part was pure genetics andcouldn?t be changed. I remembered that call Mr. Steinberg had given onthe day he told me about the gift. I think he called me a possible ten,which meant that I probably was top of the foodchain. I couldn?t helpbut feel like some sort of superhero.The more interesting part was, that the gift could be developed throughmeditation and exercises. Meditation to prepare the mind for thedifferent tasks and exercise to think the right thing in the rightmoment. At two o clock in the morning I forced myself to let the nextpages wait and go to sleep. After all I had a job to go to.On Monday evening on my way home I had a revelation. Funny thing wasthat I had not to do anything with the book, although I had thoughtabout it all day.Remember the girl I had connected to shortly? I met her again. And whathappened then wasn?t like anything I had experienced before.I had not realized that she had entered the subway. But then I saw herstanding next to the door. Maybe that.
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