I had heard that voice welcome me home from work everyday, and say "I love you" to my Father, Patrick, when they talked on the telephone. Hearing her say the words "Keep fucking me with that big cock baby," was a shock to the system. As badly as I wanted to bust into the room and see exactly what I was listening to, I used my better judgment and decided not to. I tip-toed back toward the front door, and as I did whoever it was that was pounding my Mom followed her directions; the smacking got louder, so loud that I could hear it as I quietly closed and locked the front door behind me. When I got outside I took a moment to regain my composure. For half of my life I had fantasized about fucking my Mother, but in this moment I was just as much enraged as I was turned on. My head was spinning. Even though I knew with absolute certainty that this was her voice coming from her bedroom, I needed to see her in the act with my own two eyes to believe it actually happening. I walked from the. Then by chance, we made eye contact. She smiled. I smiled back. Then suddenly she was heading my way and I couldn’t believe what was happening. She came up and said hi and we started dancing. Beyoncé’s “Get Me Bodied” was on, and I knew the whole music video dance to it, so we laughed and danced and laughed. She shouted over the music to me, “You’re awesome!” There was such sincerity in her voice. It was years ago, but I know I will never forget that moment. My infant gay heart needed to hear those words right then. It was like she saw all my insecurities and doubts about being gay and being loveable, not only in spite of, but because of that part of me which I had been unable to share with a soul until I set foot in that bar, that night.“So are you!” I laughed and shouted back. We danced together for the next half hour, until the lights came on and everyone was clearing the floor. She asked me my name and told me hers was Cassie. Then she leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips; my.
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