Why did I force myself to do this? If they responded, I was excited, yet terrified. If they didn’t, I felt disappointed and discouraged, but relieved. If I accepted, I would think about it all day, with a knot in my stomach. Yet, when it came time to meet, I half felt like canceling or bailing out, but did not do so. When we did meet, I was just fine; after all, I had done this before, and enjoyed it, so what’s the big deal? I decided to give it one last try, do everything, satisfy my curiosity, and get it out of my system once and for all. Then the need would be fulfilled, and I could get on with my straight life. Eventually, I met a man on Craigslist. I felt panicky, yet determined to see it through. I knew full well that I didn't have to go through with it, and hoped he would cancel so I wouldn’t have to. I spent the day thinking about it, working myself into a state of neurotic anxiety. Why was I putting myself through all this? It was as if I had no choice: my desires got. I thought pheeww I’ve got away with this and never again would I do that.Aman said ‘Sunny are you awake?’. I didn’t reply thinking he’s caught me. I could see the lamp was still on. He said ‘Sunny I know you’re awake’ so I ignored him again hoping the earth would swallow me up. He lent over a shook me; I tried to act dazed and half asleep and said what’s going on?He came close and grabbed my face and kissed my lips. I pulled away and said ‘what the hell are you doing’? Jumping off the bed; looking straight at me he said ‘you’ve been feeling me up for an hour and now you’re asking what I’m doing?Being shocked was an understatement. I sat back down, again he came close to me and we kissed for the first time. It was really sensual and loving; slowly we began to kiss, his soft lips against mine, our stubble rubbing against each other. I slowly put my tongue inside his mouth searching for his. As our tongues met and explored each other things started to heat up.We took each other’s.
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