The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut next month from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.!) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a. Now watch me carefully. You want to wrap your arms right around them, and...”“Oh! Yeah, okay. I think I’m starting to get it. Man, you really get your tongue in there, don’t you?”“Well, you can. Some girls like it, some girls don’t. What did you think, Katie?”“...”“What was that? I didn’t quite catch you.”“I liked it.”“A little bit louder?”“I liked it! I liked it a lot.”“Cool. Okay, is this all starting to make sense, Steve?”“I think so. Can I ask a question?”“Anything.”“What’s second base?”“Katie, close your eyes again. Good girl. This time, Steve, I want you to watch my hands.”“Oh! Okay, so you just ... oh right, up the shirt. Yup, okay, this is making a whole lot of sense.”“Great job, Katie.”“Mmmm.”“What was that?”“I mean, uh, thanks. Sorry. That was...”“What?”“That was, uh ... really good.”“Oh, thanks. Don’t get too into it though. Remember, this is just for demonstrative purposes.”“Of course.”“Now, the thing is, not everyone is as busty as Katie here. If you’re dealing with.
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