And I had all thetime in the world.After a last minute check in the mirror, I slipped the scarf over myshoulders and arranged it as I had seen my mother do, then I picked upthe bag and slipped the strap onto my shoulder and then turning I walkedwith confident swinging hips to the front door.For a moment I stood facing the door, heart pounding, mouth dry, kneestrembling slightly while I listened for sounds of life from the otherapartments.Silence, wonderful silence..."You don't have to do this you know" a voice inside me cautioned. "Youcan still back out, why not just lazy around the apartment, or try ondifferent clothes..." The voice continued. I half turned, my courageseeping away."Dam it THERE'S NO GOING BACK NOW!" I exclaimed out loud, grabbingangrily at the Yale lock knob, twisting it and at the same time pullingthe door open. Abruptly the door was open and the hallway stairsstretched before me. I stood absolutely still, amazed at my own actionsand courage, all the while. ” I snorted. Yeah, right. Antonio was always calling in with the ‘sniffles’. Only, the kind he got, were from sucking too much shit up his nostrils. I knew for a fact that half of every check he got went directly up his nose. Jesus joked that he could tell when it was almost payday; that’s when Antonio started getting the jitters from withdrawal. “Mother Fucker,” I spat. Yeah, I know. My language had become kind of raw lately, for which I refuse to apologize for. “I’m still going,” I told him defiantly, getting a smile in return. “Yeah, it’s cool. Just stay out of the cookie jar, chica. Comprende?” Tossing his hoodie on my lap, he pulled his dirty white wife-beater off over his head, revealing his lean caramel torso. I could count every rib. Yeah, times were hard, but we made do. Didn’t help that I’d developed the habit of dropping pills like candy whenever I got bored, which was pretty much every morning, noon, and night lately. “But it won’t be any fun, then,” I said with a pout,.
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