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I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I remember the look on the nurses face, when I knew the end was near. She came in and pulled away the tubes. Then the doctor came, and they turned off your life support. I closed my eyes as I heard the rhythmic sound of your heart monitor shift to a single sharp note. I still hear that in my head sometimes when I close my eyes. I don’t think it’ll ever go away. But what I’ll remember even more is what happened just before all of that. They stepped out of the room to let me say goodbye. I ran my fingers through your thin hair and choked out words that I had thought I would get to sing to you every night for years. But this once would just have to be enough: ‘Hush, little baby, don’t say a word… Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird… If that. Leaning forward to rub my aching nipples on his chest, I kissed him on the throat, and chin and then his lips, probing deep into his mouth with my tongue. I rode him as one would a fine stallion — he matching me thrust for thrust, sometimes quickly and then at a slower pace — and together we made our way to paradise, our mutual pleasure mounting ever higher to the summit of ecstasy. Finally, his cock started to throb and his seed erupted deep into my womb in a torrent of liquid fire. In that endless moment of ineffable joy we both cried out as we entered together into the mystery of human love. For a while we drifted on the borders of awareness still united in the flesh, but at length our bodies parted, and with a deep sigh of contentment, I fell into a deep sleep curled up in his strong arms where I lay until the early light of dawn peeped through the slats of the shuttered windows. When I woke, I felt a sense of belonging and being needed such that I had not known since I was a.
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