As I pull up to the chosen venue, I sit in my car and try to control my heart rate and my breathing. For all my talk, you will be the first person that I have met up with, like this, to fuck.I see you. I try to smile but fear I look an idiot. You look relaxed. In control. I take comfort in that.I walk up to you, I reach up (but only slightly) to kiss you on the cheek. Your face is smooth, freshly shaved. No glasses. I feel your lips on my face. You smell so good."Welcome Berri, it is nice to finally meet you. Come on in". You close the door behind us, take my bag and coat, and place them on a nearby chair. A drink perhaps? Yes please...I follow you into the kitchen.A cold drink please - my throat is parched: nerves are getting the better of me, but my knickers are damp. The anticipation of what might follow.You go to hand me a glass of wine, but you see my hands are shaking as I reach to take it. So, instead, you raise the glass to my mouth and let me sip as much as is required. You. After that first time, which was completely different, you’ve been part of it. If we were screwing in the car, you were right there, even watching. When he had me in the office or I was sucking there or in the car, I couldn’t wait to get home and share the experience with you. All those times I knew that you approved and, when it was over, we would be together and that, somehow, that made it ok – less sinful, I guess. But I would be going to bed with him, sleeping with him all night and waking up with him beside me in bed. I’ve never done anything like that – you’re the only man I’ve ever slept with and I’m not sure that I want to change that! I don’t know why, but it just seems that I would actually be more unfaithful if I spent the night with him. It doesn’t make a lot of sense considering the things I’ve done already, but that’s what scares me – doing it when you’re not here! ‘So, I have a problem with how I feel about taking that step, but even more important, and the thing that.
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