Even before my cancer, my life had been agony. My mind was ravaged by its own cold existence, all this time cheated out of chemicals like serotonin. For most of my life I haven’t known what peace, happiness, or sanity meant. I’m trapped in a realm of existence that I cannot escape from, and no matter how well I live, be it a billionaire or a homeless vagrant, my misery and anger will be never leave me. That sadness had in time been twisted into hatred, the feeling of not belonging to any part of the world decaying into loathing for that world. Hatred is my only means of survival, the only alternative to wallowing in despair. It hurts less to hate the world around me than to want to be a part of it. It hurts less to hate others than to be starving for a connection.But I don’t want to be the cliché outsider who thinks that he knows better than everyone because he sees everything in a jaded light. Social constructs and conventions always seem like a stupid waste of time to me, but I. I wondered why I'd never wanted to let it go before now, especially since it now looked like it was so easy to do. I felt free for the first time in a long while. And as this sense of freedom washed over me, I just let myself go and pressed in as deep as I could, spraying my seed, spurting in waves as deep as I could get.When I was finished with cumming, after that last, almost painful shudder, I lay down on her chest, feeling her arms holding me tightly, and I just cried. Not the leaky eyed crying that had taken place earlier. This was loud, gasping, shoulder wrenching crying. Teeth clenching, shuddering, uncontrollable sobbing, crying. It was 'I lost my best friend' crying. I was embarrassed but I knew that it had to take place before I could begin to regain my composure."I love you Dan. It's OK. Whatever it is, it will be OK." I rolled off of her and put my arm around her head and drew her in close. I put my other arm around her and hugged her tightly to me, squeezing her for a.
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