The high-fives Jesse got for nailing me. Lying alone in the hospital in the agony of childbirth.And the one glimmer of light in my life: my daughter.NO!I almost shouted it in the church. I wouldn’t do this again. I’d kill myself first.And then what? Wake up to start the whole nightmare over again?Maybe ... just maybe ... this was an opportunity to do it right.All I needed to do was decide what would make it right.Fuck!I was a forty-two-year-old woman trapped in my seventeen-year-old body. My head knew all kinds of things jumbled together in a mad chaos of experience and inexperience. I’d spent twenty-five years saying, ‘If I had it to do over again... ‘ And now here I was. The problem was that my seventeen-year-old self was still subject to seventeen-year-old hormones, conditioned responses, and peer pressure.Sometime over the past two decades, I’d come to realize that I’d been raped. That realization came slowly as I came to grips with having woken up still partially drunk and not. I looked down the dim hallway and all seemed quiet. The only catch was if anyone had to get up to use the toilet or brush their teeth or wash their face, I′d be busted. I took a deep breath, ready to sprint down the hall on my tiptoes.Marlene whispered in my ear, ″You′re so sexy my lovely, kinky boy. I′ll have a big glass of wine ready for you when you get back.″ I put my hand on the knob.″And Baby, keep the tail on. It makes me so horny.″Another deep breath, it makes her horny, I thought. Oh. I went as quietly as I could over the thinly carpeted hall to the men′s room. It was eight by ten and had three toilets, two urinals, three sinks on a long counter under a long mirror. Opposite the sinks were three shower stalls. Under the counter was a basin. I ran the hot water and waited for it to make its way through the pipes as I stood – not naked, which would have been probably less disturbing – but all kinked-out. As I filled the basin, I heard heavy footsteps in the hallway. Quickly.
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