On Friday, I would probably know if we had any future.I thought about who I was and what I wanted. Did I want this marriage to continue? Did I love Edie? I deliberately avoided telling her I loved her. I wasn't sure myself and so it was better not to mislead her if I had lost that love. How would I know? I once read that the test for love was to imagine your life without your partner. Divorce, death, whatever reason ... how would I carry on?Could I get past her deceit those many years ago and forgive her? At first I didn't think so. But now ... now I'm not so certain. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't make it right at this late date. Could I live with that as well? She had to admit to her sin before I could decide. She had to acknowledge that she had inflicted another deep wound in me.And what about this act I had performed. The new, dominant Howard Carver. It was an act. I knew that. Could I sustain it? I doubted it. Perhaps in some less aggressive and challenging form.. She is a sweetheart, but life has been bad to her in the past year. She bought a car from a shady character, that was stolen, and its just been down hill since. I sent her an e-mail a couple of months ago, but didn't hear back from her till the other day. She really wanted to see me, so I hopped on over to where she was staying.Its a local no-tell motel. I knew that she was a part-time escort, to make the ends meet, so I wasn't too surprised. She met me at the door with the biggest smile, and a slinky pink nighty, with all her NICE jewelry on. She was beautiful. We really hit it off, genuinely liking each other. I got a huge hug from a little woman, then the tears started. She had been in jail again, wrong place, wrong vice cop, and had been locked up for a couple of weeks in county. I just held her and spoke softly and let her cry it out. Then she became frisky. Whispers led to kisses, kisses became deep French kisses. It was like we were k**s again. We got steamy and.
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