It wasn’t a night I liked to think about. I had had a panic attack and fled her apartment, making up some half-baked story about why I had to leave and barging in on her while she was taking a shower to tell her.“You probably don’t know that I had hoped you would join me in the shower. That you would soap up your hands and run them all over my body. When I touch myself and think about that night, I pinch my nipples the way you would have. I run my fingertips down my stomach like you would have done. I slide a finger inside myself like you would have.”“Or maybe you wouldn’t have joined me. Maybe I just would have come out wearing a towel ... and when the moment was right ... dropped it and told you to make love to me right there in the living room.”She gasped.“Sometimes I have a toy with me ... and I pretend it’s you. I suck on it ... I slide it between my breasts ... would you like that, honeybear? Would you like fucking my titties?”“Yes,” I gasped out. I was trying not to touch. I would have put Bethany in that category, but she had a very different reason for coming to me. My cousin Vickie was another one who might have thought that way. Certainly Suzana Jonsson, despite being Swedish. Part of my sister’s motive had been to do something my mom couldn’t control. And that had even been part of mine.“And you, Steve. You said so yourself,” Kara said.“I did. I was just thinking about that. Come on, it’s time for a shower,” I said.We rinsed off, dried ourselves, then gathered our clothes that had been strewn in the hallway and bathroom and got dressed. We went downstairs and made some tea and sat on the couch with our tea, with Kara leaning against me.Something was nagging me about the entire situation. I had talked myself into having sex with Sandy and Ruth, but it still didn’t sit right. I realized that it wasn’t Sandy or Ruth who were the problem, it was Kara. She was acting like Jennifer had in the past. Maybe not for the same reasons, but the end result was.
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