" But which sex do you feel like?" I don't." A-HA!!" he exclaimed. Dug into my navel. Out popped a valve stem"JEE-SUS!!!" Relax, everybody has one. But it should have a cap on it. Yourgenderfluid's leaked out." My what?" Lie back..."He put a funnel into the stem. Took what resembled a gallon of cheapblueberry punch from a cabinet"Um..... could I try that pink kind there?"///////////////////////////////////////////#10 //////// THE QUEEROMETER NEVER LIES(Just a gay old drabble, circa 1998...)My new neighbor seemed nice enough, in a macho ignoramus kind of way. Hiscluttered apartmenthad porno mags scattered everywhere. He got us beers, turned on thetelevision"That dude's a goddamn faggot." That actor? You heard this?" I just know. I always know."I saw one serious flaw in his claim, but just nodded"And him too!" Gene Hackman? You sure?" Positive. 'Cause whenever I see a homo, I get this.... reaction. Kindalike my grandmaknowing it was gonna rain. Fuckin' queers are everywhere." What kind. Those are very realistic." She said."Thanks." He said, still kind of embarrassed."Are they mine?" Linda asked, catching her son off guard.Ok, just be honest with her...mom's cool with this. He thought."Uh...yeah... Yeah they are." He said."Not bad." She said, glancing over at the picture."The nipples are wrong though. My areolas are much bigger...otherwise you have it about right." She said."Really, I thought maybe I had drawn them too big. Are you sure?" He asked."Sweetie, my areola are thirteen-inches in diameter...of course I'm sure. The ones on the sketch are way too small." She said.Holy shit...thirteen inches in diameter. We just studied diameters in math class. That's as big around as a g****fruit. He thought."Darn, I thought I had them right." He said."Do I have to pull this car over, whip out a boob and prove you wrong, mister?" She said playfully."Ok." Bobby said with a big smile, making his mom bust out in a giggle."Yeah, I can see the headline now: Mother gets caught in.
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