She didn't like dodging the pain of her boy's death. It felt wrong. It felt like betrayal. She would bear the pain of his death, just as she'd borne the pain of his birth. She would wait in agony, screaming as she allowed the pain to ravish through her soul, tearing pieces of it away as the minutes passed into hours. She re-lived every moment of his life, from the first time she'd held him, feeling him softly suckling at her breast, to the last time she'd kissed him goodnight, and everything in between. And she remembered every single time she'd ever scolded and screamed at him too, and the times she'd let him cry all alone because she was too busy to worry about every little issue he had. The wha- ifs and if-onlys, stabbed at her like a sadistic mob, blaming her, accusing her, trying to murder her for her guilt, but somehow her soul refused to die. All she could do was lie there screaming, hating her own soul for not dying like it deserved to.She woke on the floor of his bedroom,. We brought our brothers with us so Mom and Dad can relax tonight. She's going in for another round of treatment tomorrow." How are her spirits holding up?" Missy asked.Amy Sue gave a sad little shrug. "I can tell it's hard for her," she said, "but she puts on an amazing front, trying to help keep our spirits up. It kills me to see her like that but it's obviously so important to her that we all go along with the act, pretending we're fooled. Dad tries, but I think she needs someone outside the family to talk to." I'll make sure I stop in and see her on Sunday then," Missy said softly. "Maybe she'll talk to me."Amy Sue gave Missy a quick hug. "Thank you, Missy!" I could see tears in her eyes.I must have looked confused because Amy Sue smiled through the tears and put her hand on my arm. "Missy stops in to see Mom whenever she's in the hospital. You did know that your girlfriend volunteers at the hospital on Sundays and Wednesdays, didn't you John? You're a pretty lucky guy, John; your.
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