I wanted to stay in there all night."We got ourselves in order and went to the bar for a drink and pick at the munchies. Fred went to the bathroom, and Gail got up and followed him. She came back a few minutes later and said, "He's not feeling like himself. He says it's because Terry's ass took everything out of him. I'm not buying it."We talked to Gail and thought it best if we left. We dressed, and you and Gail talked a while. As we were leaving, Fred walked out to say he was sorry he wasn’t feeling well but he did feel a little better now. We got home and I spent the rest of the night asking you how you felt and if you regretted anything you did.“I loved every minute. That is after I got over worrying that you were ashamed of me. Can we get together again next weekend? Gail feels cheated because she didn’t get double-teamed.”It was three days later that Gail called in the morning. You answered it. Gail had just got home from the hospital.“Fred had a massive heart attack last night. All things considered, I'll miss Hopkins. I'll miss the friends I made here. I'll definitely miss the grad student lifestyle, especially on Monday mornings. However, I won't miss being a grad student, if that makes any sense at all.I suspect that many of you know how difficult it is to put on a mask every day before leaving the house and keep it on--no matter how it chafes--until you go home at night. I had to put on my grad student mask--the one where I'm enthusiastic and passionate about my research and science in general--on a daily basis, or risk losing my position at Hopkins. Compared to what other people suffer on a regular basis, I know that my problems don't even come close to showing up on the radar. But for me, it's painful as hell.Most people would say, "You should be grateful you're getting paid a reasonable stipend (my snipes about the size of my stipend notwithstanding, I was paid a fair amount over minimum wage just to do research and earn my doctorate; my colleagues.
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