Trying to drench the pain in alcohol. Andeven though I was more than tipsy already, it doesn't work. It hurtsso much. I turned into the dead-end road long ago. Longer than Iinitially thought. Was it too late? Am I going to kill myself? It surewould be the easiest right now. It would be over. No need to lie to meanymore. No need to tell anyone. No pain anymore. It doesn't sound toobad. But is it helping? No. And it would rip me off the chance toexperience life as who I really am and not just the person who Ipretended to be.No, I won't kill myself. Not yet. Not tonight. I felt so lost. Whyhave I done this to myself?Why haven't I taken any of the chances I was given? How much can youhate yourself?I needed more alcohol. Maybe, when the pain lessens, if ever, I cansee more clearly. I should have told my parents. Screw that stupidnote my father made. For fuck's sake, I'm their child. They would havehelped me. Now it's too late. I'm 31. I had such a small amount offacial hair until my. It got awfully touchy from there we were on the couch together supporting each others drunken jello postures and as we conversed and laughed with our glasses in one hand our other hands were constantly stroking each others thigh or shoulder in communication. when she talked to me I focused deeply on her eyes (half of the reason was the room was starting to spin) and when her eyes met mine she stumbled on her words. She wasn't wearing a fragrance but her scent was so feminine and lulled me into a comfort zone. so I kept close to keep it in noses range. I was still in sexual need but this was simply bonding and I thought nothing of it until a short while later. As if It hadn't knocked on my minds door already, The thought of tasting this juicy peach would soon break the damn thing down.It started with her simply complaining about the k**s and how hard it was being a 28 year old single parent. it was apparent she didn't get to talk to folks much about her concerns. As she yammered on in.
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