I counted on you to look out for me, especially when I couldn’t look out for myself. I’ll never count on you again and that’s kind of where we are.”“You have to understand,” she said, deeply troubled by what I’d said. “I was caught between two of my sons.”I nodded. “I know. And you made the choice. I don’t have to like it, but it’s done and I might be able to count on you in just about every other situation imaginable, but you’ll always choose Billy. In my head, that’s the inescapable truth. So I refuse to ever put myself in the position to need you when Billy might demand something. Since he’s a spoiled little shit, he’s likely to demand Mommy anytime of the day or night, so I refuse to rely on you.”“It won’t be like this forever,” she said. “Billy needed us. You were in LA on your own and independent.”“What Billy needed was a beating for some of the shit he pulled. Mike had to bail him out at school more than once and I did too. He was our brother and we stood up for him when he. I ask the Lord for forgiveness and guidance because my heart is in constant agony. My soul is twisted like a rubber band by the devil who tortures me day and night. Sometimes I nearly faint from the pain, but the Lord giveth me strength. 8/28/2012 Every day Pastor only allow me a paltry portion to eat, cereals in the morning, salad for lunch and whatever that is at my plate for dinner and lots of daily exercise like cleaning, washing, cooking, and walking back and forth from work. I do not have money for bus and Pastor says gasoline is too expensive for him to drive me to work. I am usually hungry, sometimes I saw left over pizza thrown in a garbage can and I have to refrain my sick urge to pick it out of the garbage can and eat it. I am not allowed any junk food such as pizza, ice cream, or cakes, and when Pastor's family eat them I have to excuse myself from the table and go to my room. But I understand this is for my own benefit because Heaven is a narrow door and only the.
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