In so doing, what do I achieve? More importantly, perhaps, what do I lose? The deepest, most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever known are those in which I bare those insecurities—or, at the very least, am willing to do so. Is there any love deeper than the absence of fear? ‘You’re doing great, though.’ Her voice follows me into my mind cavern. My body is sinking into the warm table, muscles—even the ones she’s not yet touched—are beginning to let go of stored frustrations. I drift. It’s quite pleasant, ethereal. She hums softly—or, maybe it’s me. There’s a blending, it seems, of our selves. Her confidence, her competence, infuses me with a peaceful energy. Then, with a hand resting on each bare shoulder, she whacks me with an emotional 2×4: ‘May I massage your tummy?’ My tummy. Oh, fuck! The core of all my body angst. I remind myself that even when it was firm and flat, I believed it unattractive. Now it’s round and there’s ample cushioning over the muscles. And scars, too. Those. I gingerly felt and squeezed and as I did it started to grow. ‘Just like yours’ Jennifer chuckled easily. Like I was trying out a new electrical gadget I knew she’d want me to be honest with a reply, But the difference is, mine isn’t synthetic’ I said. ‘But you think it may sell Huh Peter? You see the well-defined testicles, they are full of the white stuff of life which duly ejaculates just like the real thing after a good jerking, which can be adjusted according to the users likes. ‘I think it feels like the real thing, well almost. Look at the blue vein running down the centre now it has grown full strength, and see it throb. As a woman I find that lovely and very simulating. Those Japs know what they are about. So do we buy or not, what do you think Peter?’ I guess I looked apprehensive because she ventured to demonstrate to me more, the penile attributes. I had to close my legs tightly when, swinging her chair around to face the desk again she leaned forward and took the head in.
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