‘Matt? Are you ok?’ I asked, getting more and more worried and trying not to let my voice crack as I spoke. He snapped out of his dap-dreams and dropped his hands onto his knees. He smiled but it didn’t touch his eyes as he turned to face me. ‘Sorry honey I was miles away. Here.’ He stood and walked around the table to the other chair and moved it closer to his own, pulling it out for me to sit on. I smiled back at him and sat in the chair, dragging it towards the table gently. ‘Is something wrong Matt?’ I paused, not expecting an answer and then said, ‘Actually that’s a stupid question I know there’s something wrong and I know you won’t tell me. What I want to know is why you won’t tell me. But I don’t think you’re going to tell me that either, are you?’ I didn’t know where it came from but suddenly I’d said it, and yes I had wanted to really but I didn’t want him to feel pressured or anything so I’d kept quiet. I guess my curiosity won that fight. ‘I can’t Soph. Not yet. I will. I just loved looking at myself naked in a mirror. I am, I suppose, an utter narcissist; but who cares? We are all what we are and have to live with ourselves as we are; I suppose that sounds a bit trite, but there it is; at least that is the way I see it myself.Given my sexual orientation, I had also spent a good deal of time surfing the internet during my final months at Sheldon. I hate to think what the Prick (that's the nickname for the beloved (!) Headmaster: one Mr Woodderowffe Price) would have done to my arse with his rod if he had found out how I spent my spent my spare time on the computer.Suffice it to say that by the time I left Sheldon, there was little I thought I did not know about the behaviour of gay men, a fraternity to which I realised that I would, sooner or later, have to belong. In short, I was theoretically fully aware of what my future life would be as a totally committed gay, but I had not the slightest idea of how I was to enter into the gay world to which.
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