.. or John, Garrison." Jack is JOHN GARRISON?" Uh-huh." You mean to tell me I just spent thirty minutes cyber-flirting with the US NATIONAL SILVER MEDALIST?" Uh-huh." Wow." Not everybody knows who he is. He's a really nice guy. As is Liz." Liz." The girl I was flirting with before Jack came on?" Yeah, what about her?" That's Elizabeth Cushman." World Champion Elizabeth Cushman????" The same." Wow." Almost nobody knows who she is. I figured it out, last year, because all the times that Liz disappeared from the computer coincided with the times that Elizabeth Cushman was away competing somewhere. And, after Cup of Russia last year, I caught her. 'Liz' popped back up, IM-ing me as always, and I said, 'So, how was St. Petersburg?' And she blathered about it for a couple minutes before she caught herself, and said, 'Waitaminnit. How did you know I was in St. Petersburg?' And I said, 'Because I'm very good at putting two and two together, and I do believe I just watched you win Cup of. They all looked so strong and virile."Hello boys," I croaked. I was still nervous. But I needed to find my courage. I knew my role."Hello boys!" I said louder. Heads turned to look at me."Your boss sent me here to do some health checkups. He really is quite concerned about your well-being in this busy work season so he knew a nurse was needed."Men approached and stood around me in a semi-circle. They were all smiling. It was like a deer being surrounded by a pack of wolves. But I wasn't just prey, I knew how to handle men's libidos."But I'm a specific type of nurse. I only know how to measure health one way and that's by the quality of sperm."The men laughed and grunted. "So I'm going to need some sperm donations to check your health."One of the guys shouted, "How do you take your sperm donations?" I could see several men feeling their packages through their pants."Well, there's really only one way to accurately check sperm for quality, isn't there?"I paused for a second. Then I took.
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