"What are you up to?"I knelt on the pillow before him, moved his knees apart, and sat back on my heels. "I had a phone call from Meg today," I told him. Meg is my younger sister. "She and Pel are talking about getting married." That's wonderful!" he said. "They're perfect for each other."I leaned in, between his legs, and traced my finger along the seam at the edge of his fly. "She hasn't told Mom yet. She wanted to know what I thought of their getting married before he proposes. She's going to tell Mom and Dad after he gives her the ring." She's not going to talk to your mother until after she says 'yes'?" he asked.I nodded. Looking up into his eyes, I saw a blurry face until I blinked away a couple of tears. "My advice was more important to her than Mom's. She wanted to know how I knew you were the right one for me."In silence, I unbuckled his belt, opened the button and pulled down the zipper. "Apparently, I'm the resident expert on marriage."His pants moved aside easily and his. Which doesn’t help anything, because then I worry about what the lack of sleep is doing to me, which just creates a vicious cycle. My palms get sweaty and my heart feels like a jackhammer against my chest. I can tell I go into fight or flight mode, even though there’s nothing I can do. My breathing gets shallow and my hands curls up into fists. Now if I just had something to fight against. I have to move to get the excess energy out of my system or I start bouncing around like an over-sugared kid on a pogo stick. My jaw clenches, which in turn makes my head hurt, which makes me angry. I’ve been to counseling and we think we figured out what the problem is. I don’t like being unprepared and I have no idea what happens after you die. Do you go to Heaven/Nirvana or Hell/Hades or Valhalla or Olympus or the Seven Heavens? Is it the Abyss or the windswept plains of Archeron? Are you reincarnated? Can you be resurrected? Is there a Purgatory that you simply wait in for something to happen?.
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