I decided, against my better judgement, to look through Lydia's closet.I would find something to help me blend in. Lydia's favorite color wasblack and most of her wardrobe blended together into the background. Myeyes went immediately to one of her only dresses. It was dark purpleand full of black flowers, this was the dress she wore when she had toget a little dressed up. It was a little loose on Lydia, but on me inwas perfect. It clung to my boobs and the bottom was full giving me theillusion of bigger hips. The hem came below my knees showing just alittle bit of my calves. After slipping on nude pantyhose and my twoinch heels, I worked on my makeup. I went on the subtle side, I wasjust a woman running a few errands on a Sunday night. I definitelydidn't want to be noticed.I had to put on one of Lydia's black coats too, since I didn't have oneof my own, and I took my pocketbook and slowly made my way down the twoflights of stairs. My heart was beating so loud, I had never been. Ethan andJosh almost seemed interchangeable.I was confused: either my feelings for Ethan didn't seem to be aspronounced as my feelings for Josh, or I just didn't recognize them.Thinking about Josh still brought a warm and fuzzy feeling to my heart. Ihad a similar reaction when I thought about Ethan, but I had alwaysassociated that feeling with our friendship. Was it possible that thosefeelings were being transformed from friendship into something morewithout Ethan, Emily or I noticing? Perhaps it was possible, but had thatreally happened in our relationship?I wasn't sure. I'd tried to understand this with Mary, but we concludedthat we didn't have enough information. I didn't think that I was in lovewith Ethan. But there was definitely a difference in our relationship nowthan what we'd had before I had become Megan.Ethan had been as close to me as a brother while we had grown up. In somerespects, he was closer to me than Austin was. Were these feelings thesame feelings that I had for.
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