Martha cautioned me that I should not think my Mom didn't love me; but I should accept the fact that Mom might never be the mother I needed. Nor did I have even the memory of a father, mine having died when I was barely two. In my family circle there were few competent male figures; those that remained were simply worn out, resigned to life as dictated by others. My overbearing stepdad typified the opposite extreme of heedless masculinity and intolerance. I'd apparently been living in an emotional and intellectual vacuum; I lived surreptitiously, letting others see only those parts of me that I could twist into a mere copy of what they expected.I said glumly, "I hate all of them. I distrust and dislike every one of them." No!" Martha said forcefully. She pounded the table once with a clenched fist. "No, Steven! Don't hate. Understand. They did what they could. They did what they knew to do. It wasn't much, in my humble opinion, but it was the best they could do. And you do owe them. About three months after we stopped dating, she was pregnant.She had a baby girl with her first sexual boyfriend. I actually didn't find out about that, until her daughter, Riley, turned seventeen. I just happened to be at the miniature golf course where they were having Riley's birthday party. We eventually noticed each other, and caught up. The first obvious thing was, Riley. Even though she got pregnant, and didn't continue our relationship, I was still happy for her. We talked for about an hour, and I got a lot of highlights. For example, she never actually married. Unfortunately, the relationship with Riley's father, just didn't work out. Eventually, we got to what had been going on with me, and she was sorry I never got hitched either. She told me that when she found out she was pregnant, she really began missing me. She really missed having me to talk to you over all those years. I guess, she was actually considering trying to have a baby with me. Even though we were in.
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