..”St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?”“Well ... There was this one time ... that I held one for a moment...”“Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another!St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!”Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”This one is compliments of Joe SAfter a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on. Your thighs are huge. Can’t you see the pucker of cellulite starting?’ Janice turned her back to the mirror and checked the backs of her thighs. Her skin was perfectly soft and smooth and they looked nice in the new skirt. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. My thighs look fine.’ ‘No, they don’t. They’re chubby and bulgy. And look at your knees! Your kneecaps are just a dent in your fat legs.’ Janice stared at her reflection, her mouth drying up. Her reflection was, of course, perfect. Not a hint of fat any where. ‘You’re lying.’ ‘I’m lying? I’m lying?’ Her reflection was nearly apoplectic with rage. ‘I’m the only friend you have, remember? You don’t want to piss me off, Janice. You piss me off and you’ll be all alone, like you were before.’ Janice shook her head, her body trembling. She stumbled backward and let her hand search her bed, looking for the book while her eyes remained locked to the mirror. Her reflection stared at her, teeth bared in an angry grimace. ‘You’re not.
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