Her door was open slightly. There was no light. She had big blackout curtains on the window that kept out both light and noise so that it was like being in a cave. I didn't know what to do. I stood there waiting, my mind ticking over the options as audibly as a grandfather clock. I thought I heard her crying. I didn't know what to do. I was in default mode, so I went for a pish and came back shivering at the door, like some nocturnal creature. I heard her shifting, sitting up in the bed. I couldn’t see her I tracked her with the movements that she made. I build up a picture of her feeling for her fags and matches on the table beside her bed. She coughed, as if to make her lungs ready for her next smoke. I felt like coughing too, to show that I wasn't some kind of ghost or Peeping Tom. I didn't have time to retreat. She saw me standing there when she lit the match. I saw her too. She didn't do that lets pull up the blankets thing that women do. She knew I was there, but this was. You don’t have a temperature – if anything you’re running slightly cool. Your coach said you were swimming particularly hard today, and you didn’t bring too much up when you were sick earlier, so I’m guessing it’s probably just your blood sugar levels.”“I kind of skipped lunch,” I admitted. It wasn’t the first lunch I’d missed since Nao had gone, to spend watching film with one of the phys-ed teachers to see how I could improve my technique. It was easier to avoid everyone, avoid the lunchtimes that reminded me of her.“Well, there you go. And from the looks of you, you’ve got an admirably fast metabolism. Your friends brought your bag over, so you can put some proper clothes on. And in future, if you’re going to run at full throttle, make sure that you have some fuel in the tank first.”“So, are you going to calm down a little now?”My dad broke the silence we’d shared since he’d collected me from school. I looked at him.“I get it,” he continued. “You miss her. She’d become a big part.
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