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I mean, the guy painted razor blades to make some kind of "statement" or whatever, and now was selling them for eighty bucks each. Fuckin' douche.They had been trying to hook me up with this friend of Chris's named Samantha for the past few weeks, and we'd hung out a few times already. She thought things were going well for us. She'd been giving me all the signals, trying to make eye contact, taking opportunities to make light physical contact, laughing at everything I say to sound funny...typical mating dance. Nothing special to say about Sam. Dirty blonde hair, a few freckles, full face. Not unattractive at all, but just not my type, you know? I prefer someone who can't blend into a crowd of college students on Two Dollar Pint Night.Then, she came into the building: short black hair on a beautiful pale face, dark eyes, petite frame, a body that was just blessed with the perfect physique, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. She smiled at a friend that she noticed there, almost. Vice President, we have had a break in the assassination attempt against you."It appears that a small group of Russian oil magnates hired the mercenaries that stormed the Naval Observatory. The surviving members of the team agree. The photo lineup we showed them was a winner, as both men instantly picked out Uri Kostanovich from the group of pictures and positively identified him as the bagman."Kostanovich is an underling of Mikhail Fridman. He owns an enormous amount of oil-rich land and is one of the richest men in Russia. But he is pinched financially by the precipitous drop in oil prices. Somehow, we think, Fridman blames President Thornton, and by extension, you, for the dangerously low price for a barrel of oil and thought that killing you might destabilize the oil market sufficiently for prices to recover."I can't tell you how we will proceed with this news, but we are throwing a blanket over Fridman. One possibility is to simply hand the information over to Putin and let him.
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