Which doesn’t help anything, because then I worry about what the lack of sleep is doing to me, which just creates a vicious cycle. My palms get sweaty and my heart feels like a jackhammer against my chest. I can tell I go into fight or flight mode, even though there’s nothing I can do. My breathing gets shallow and my hands curls up into fists. Now if I just had something to fight against. I have to move to get the excess energy out of my system or I start bouncing around like an over-sugared kid on a pogo stick. My jaw clenches, which in turn makes my head hurt, which makes me angry. I’ve been to counseling and we think we figured out what the problem is. I don’t like being unprepared and I have no idea what happens after you die. Do you go to Heaven/Nirvana or Hell/Hades or Valhalla or Olympus or the Seven Heavens? Is it the Abyss or the windswept plains of Archeron? Are you reincarnated? Can you be resurrected? Is there a Purgatory that you simply wait in for something to happen?. . knowing that she was a sexual submissive, and that she was almost certainly not wearing any panties under her dresses. And judging by the jiggle of her breasts, she wasn’t wearing a bra either.Finally after 10 days I was able to corner Tara.“What is going on here? ... We screwed each other’s ass off over a couple of days ... and now there is nothing between us” I asked her.She smiled back at me.Then she replied with “Did I ever say that we had an ongoing sexual relationship?”I thought back ... and yes ... she hadn’t made any such commitments.“But I thought...” I stammered.She cut me off saying “You thought that you owned me ... owned me because you had stuck me with your big fat black cock”.“You seemed to enjoy it” I countered.“I did ... but an ongoing relationship has to be based on much more than sticking me with your ebony monster” she retorted.“What do you want from me?” I asked with some frustration.“You know what I want” she replied as she walked away ... leaving me.
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