When I was with Gailand those other girls, I felt somehow out of place. I had none of theexperiences they did. No dolls, no frilly lace dresses growing up, noexperience with boys, and no sense of myself as a female. The idea thatthey are beautiful and would be mothers some day is entrenched in themat an early age. I had none of that. As I looked over at my reflection,to see the girl that I had come to look like; I both loved her, andhated her. I felt guilty loving her, because she was everything Iwasn't, and could do those things that were forbidden to the old me. Onthe other hand, I hated her because she had taken over my life.Dresses and bras, panties and shoes, makeup and earrings, they allbecame symbols of my desires, yet also, a tether that harnessed me toher with a force that I could not break. I knew, because like mom, Ilooked it up. Boys like me almost never lose their enthusiasm for thefeminine; to dress, walk, talk, and act like females. Starting young andlasting a. In tears she called her bestfriend was was able to afford designer handbags at $600.00 a pop. Sharon always wondered how she could afford it, them being from the same 'side of the street'.Sharon:'Fay im so much in debt and so broke i dont know what to do!'Fay:'Girl!, why are you crying didnt i tell you ill look out for you?'Sharon:'Yes but you know i dont want to depend on you'Fay: 'Thats OK, i have an audition today why dont you come along and maybe there is a part for you!'Sharon got all excited and couldnt wait as acting was always her passionSharon and Fay met up and headed off to the audition together. When they arrived they were greated by 10 other male actors and a producer. Sharon felt uneasy but Fay nudged her on.'I dont like this Fay,'lamented Sharon, 'I thought it was only going to be us?''Seriously Sharon, how nieve can you be!' fay puffed becoming more annoyed.'Do you want real money or dont you!'Sharon thought for a moment as they entered the studio.Fay seem so at ease.
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