It had obviously been churning away in her sub-conscious because her thoughts were marginally clearer. She accepted that masturbation on her own and in private was normal. She had initially been embarrassed by Louise showing her how to do it but she felt no wish to repeat anything like that and, as much as she loved her friend, felt no physical attraction for her.The episode with Livvie and Hettie was a different matter. Annette still could not help but feel that it was unnatural. On the other hand, if Livvie and Hettie enjoyed it and did not inflict it on anyone else, who was she to condemn them? However, they had done just that to Louise and her. But not, she had to admit, until they had got agreement even though hers was reluctant. It could have been that Livvie was trying to show her that what she, Annette, had done that morning was nothing. The answer was probably to store it away in her mind and think no more of it.She was still not happy. She had thought masturbation was wrong. Celia cleared her throat and began: “I grew up as a shy, submissive, quiet girl who dutifully studied piano and violin and math, just like my Mom and Dad wanted. But I had a terrible secret, dark side -- I loved to get off. Ever since I hit puberty I’d get off as much as I could. I felt so guilty about it, so never told anyone. I used to hide in my room for hours doing it, then started using the internet to get off -- chat rooms, free pictures, whatever. It made me feel dirty and worthless, like I was broken, but I couldn’t stop it.I was three months from my eighteenth birthday when I discovered my mother was cheating on my Dad, a long distance truck driver.I honestly didn’t know what to do? I mean, at that point I loved them both. What the fuck, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Only it wasn’t.When my mother realized that I knew about her adultery, and that I wasn’t about to do anything about it--we’d had one of those soap opera mother-daughter talks--she made no secret about it and.
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