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My "need to know" list was very small: My ex-husband, my parents, a few very close friends, and my son. My ex proved to be surprisingly easy. It was almost a relief for both of us. It freed us from an empty, sterile relationship that was doomed from the start. I felt tremendous guilt that I'd cost him perhaps the best years of his life, depriving him of all the things a spouse has every right to expect from a marriage. We ended up parting on excellent terms, and we remain very good friends to this day.That left Josh. Whether my feelings and fears were rational is irrelevant. They were the fears and feelings I was dealing with, pure and simple. I was terrified he'd see my "confession" as a rejection of him, or that he'd reject me as his mother. He'd kept me alive for so long that the thought of losing him was beyond frightening – it almost certainly meant suicide.Nevertheless, it had to be done.It was one of those moments that's etched in my memory with stark clarity. It was a cool,. His hand slid around my waist and pulled us together. The touch of his body to mine told me I was lost. It wasn’t a matter of if I’d make love to him anymore. Now it was just a question of how long I could hold myself back. My body ached for him and only mymind — ‘more like your stubbornness and your fear,’ an inner voice chided — kept me from pulling him on top of me right here. With gentle insistence, his tongue split my lips and I opened my mouth in welcome. It began dancing with my tongue in the age-old ritual of passion. My doubts, whether they were borne of stubbornness, fear or something else – I no longer cared – vanished in seconds. I felt the connection to him emotionally and knew it was right. It was so strong, like a river current, strong and unstoppable. The taste of his mouth was like nectar, sweet and at the same time that of primal man. I tangled my hand in his luxurious hair and crushed his lips to mine, giving myself to him in the way only a woman can. Our mouths.
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