Fuck With Me

The baby was very close and she began to concentrate on just giving birth. We had taken classes on childbirth so we knew what to expect and I had learned some things to do that were supposed to make it easier on her. One thing was to rub the small of her back with a pop can. I didn't know how it was supposed to help but it did for a while. In the blink of an eye though it stopped working. One second she wanted it there, the next she was telling me to remove the blankty-blank thing. I hoped she wouldn't get into trouble for saying those words on the air, but it's possible they had a delay going and the technician would catch them.Soon after I got rid of the can the baby started down the birth canal. It didn't take long for baby's head to show. I watched in amazement as the baby came out into the doctor's hands. That moment was so wonderful I was glad we were no longer separated. The doctor cut the cord and placed her in Joanne's hands. The baby, my daughter, was crying and making. Bits of him surged into my memory, the baseball caps he always wore, his hands—the lovely long fingers and rounded fingertips, the short salt and pepper hair, the way his earlobes weren’t attached like mine were, the carpet of coarse hairs on his chest, where I’d so loved to lay my head. His face, though. I couldn’t picture his face. My last words to him had been angry ones. Remembering them, replaying them in my mind, my fingers clenched, nails biting into my palms. I hadn’t given him a chance to explain, knowing no explanation could ever make things right between us again. He’d lied, and that’s all there was to it. Liars were anathema to me. There’d been too many lies and too much deceit in my life already. In the end, John had just sat there on his couch, head bowed, hands dangling between his knees, saying nothing. I’d walked out of his house and out of his life, devastated. He’d written me a letter, which I’d found in my car after work a few nights later. It still lay,.
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